I'm about to indulge in a fairly narcissistic 20 mins of my life, so understand my plight. Though, I'm not usually the kind(I think). Come to think of it, I cringe whenever I come across blogs with entries full of nth but themselves and how horrible their life is and becoming. Ahhh, ok..

I got overcome with a very strong thought that mayb I shld leave my course. But seeing that I'm not the kind who'd waste my parent's money and 1 and a half years of my life, I just can't wait to graduate from poly.

Maybe it's the work load, the impossible amount of pressure being dropped on everyone. Mayb I'm just a tad too sensitive by nature. Mayb I'm just born this insecure and paranoid. Mayb I'm made to love being recognised.

My concerns and paranoia, I'm not exactly going to showcase it to everyone here(thank God for locked domains), but the amazingly warped thoughts that have been churning in my head are tiring me out mentally(though it's really not thge right time to be doing so). It's really stupid and a hint childish to say "I don't care what others think of me", cos even if those people're not exactly significant figures in ur life, what they say and do are still effectual to a certain degree. No matter how much we tell ourselves they don't matter, they still do whether we like it or not.

And I suppose it's just me being overly susceptible but it's hard, I swear it is, to try and look at things in the opposite direction. That's why I'm practicing that ritual all over again. Shut people out, all. Take the questions they ask, the remarks they make as passing wind which just so happen to reek quite badly, and not keep thinking about how revolting it smelt after that.

But sometimes, when I try to salvage the situation, I find it difficult to explain myself, and there's constantly that prickly notion that others wld take in my explanations as excuses. And it's hard to try and prove to them that it's not the case when they already have that perception etched in their minds. Then again, why try straightening the knots for them when I know I'm not doing anything unethical or unprofessional, and whether they get their facts straight or not doesn't really matter. But once again, what other's think and say do take a toll.

Though, I think it's just me being me, as always. And everything will return to normal when it's all over. Or least I hope.

Go on, make me feel worse. Rejoice in my woes.